“I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God.”

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It started to happen gradually.  One day I was walking my son Jake to school.  I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, “Who is that with you, young fella?” “Nobody,” he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, “Oh my goodness, nobody?”

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family – like “Turn the TV down, please” – and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, “Would someone turn the TV down?” Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We’d been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, “I’m ready to go when you are.”  He just kept right on talking. That’s when I started to put all the pieces together. I don’t think he can see me. I don’t think anyone can see me. I’m invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”  Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.  I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?  Can you tie this? Can you open this?  Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -  but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.  She’s going she’s going she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.  It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package,  and said, “I brought you this.”  It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.” And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.  It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.  It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.  It is the antidote to my strong stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see  finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it there.”

Have you ever wondered what your life might have been like “if”?

Ahh, there are so many “ifs” in life! I ponder about the “what ifs” from time-to-time.  Instead of pining over what could-have-been, I am now focusing on what is to come.  If we don’t take the time to determine what we want out of life and set goals to get there, we will never reach our desired destination.  How sad it would be to never reach our goals simply because we never took the time to set forth on the path which we needed to follow to get there!  So the next time I find myself wondering where I would be if I had made different decisions in the past, I am going try to refocus that energy into creating and following a plan for developing a better me.

“Nothing can add more power to your life than concentrating all your energies on a limited set of targets.”

~Nido Qubein

Photo:  mydearDelilah

“Thanksgiving Wishes”

I wish you all that pen and ink
Could write, and then some more!
I hope you cannot even think
Of half you’re thankful for.

I hope your table holds a wealth
Of prime Thanksgiving fare,
And Love and Peace and Joy and Health
Will all be seated there.

I trust your guests will all be bright,
But none of them too wise,
And each will bring an appetite
For mince or pumpkin pies.

I hope the fowls will all be fat,
The cider sweet to quaff,
And when you snap a Wishbone, that
You’ll win the larger half!

~Arthur Guiterman

Photo: ellenm1

“The Road Not Taken”

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, 1915

Have you ever wondered what your life might have been like “if”?  Ahh, there are so many “ifs” in life!  I ponder about the “what ifs” from more often than I aught.  Instead of pining over what could-have-been, I am now focusing on what is to come.  If we don’t take the time to determine what we want out of life and set goals to get there, we will never reach our desired destination.  We also won’t be able to reach our destination if we are always looking behind instead of ahead and will miss all of the wonderful opportunities that lay in our path.

Thank You
for all my hands can hold-
apples red
and melons gold,
yellow corn
both ripe and sweet,
peas and beans
so good to eat!

Thank You
for all my eyes can see-
lovely sunlight,
field and tree,
white cloud-boats
in sea-deep sky,
soaring bird
and butterfly.

Thank You
for all my ears can hear-
birds’ song echoing
far and near,
songs of little
stream, big sea,
cricket, bullfrog,
duck and bee!

~Ivy O. Eastwick

Photo: Lyubov

This poem echoes the song of my heart.  As we approach Thanksgiving Day, society places more focus on the blessings that we each have received.  I enjoy this time of year as extra care is taken in the contemplation of the gifts that we have been given.

Although times have been hard for us (like many families) financially this year, I am grateful that looking forward our monetary worries are less burdensome.  This allows me to be more focused on what is truly important in my life – my family!

We have been blessed by some very awesome friends!  There isn’t a day that goes by that don’t thank God for the terrific people that He has brought into our lives.  We are able to share both tears and celebrations with them.  I hold them very dear in my heart.

My family is what I am most thankful for this year.  Our marriage has strengthen through our difficulties.  Our bond, when tested, has quivered but held-steadfast.  There are many times when marriage seems more of a detriment than the wonderful spiritual bond that it is meant to be.  But through the turmoil, strife and strain,  our love continues to deepen and our commitment to one another preserves.  Our two little boys are the light of my life! God blesses me daily with their beautiful smiles and giggles.  The four of us make up our cozy, little family.  Spending time together as a family is one of my favorite times!

There are so many things that I am thankful for this year!

What are you thankful for?

-Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Photo: Tamara

We tend to take things for granted and overlook the small blessings in our lives.  When we take pleasure in the little things, we live a more graceful life.  We have a more joyous heart.  We tend to live a richer life – full of the beauty that is encapsulated in everything around us. As I contemplate the multitude of blessings in my life, these are some of my favorite little things that really are the big things in life:

• Hugs and kisses from my two little boys. It is amazing just how quickly they grow up!  My youngest is still a kissy, huggy snuggler, but my oldest son has grown up into a “big boy” and isn’t much of a snuggler anymore.  Although I am very blessed that my older son still gives hugs and kisses, just not constantly like he did two short years ago.

• My boys taking turns sitting on my lap while I read them books. I know that all too soon, neither of them will want to sit on their mommy’s lap.  I relish each moment that I have now!

• Reading books to and with my sons. I absolutely LOVE books!  To be able to share the joy and knowledge that one can gain from a book with my little ones is such a privilege!  I love the fact that I get to share in the adventures they embark on when they enter the world of books.  Another cool thing is that my oldest son can sound out and read rather large words, but still prefers me to read aloud to him.  I treasure this time of him wanting me to be part of his intimate world!

• Observing my sons helping each other. Watching them interact in a kind and generous manner without external interference is heartwarming.  I cling to these moments to help me deal with the much more often bickering that occurs.

• Holding hands with DH. So much intimacy is communicated between us when we hold hands.  The reassurance that we are sticking together through the good and the bad with God’s help and guidance and hearts full of love and devotion to one another.

• Spending time with extended family. We take those that we love for granted as they have always been a part of our lives and we expect them to always be there.  Spending time with my grandparents and other extended family last weekend refilled me.  Simply being in their presence brings me reassurance that all is right with the world.  Spending time with our parents is a gift that we don’t take as lightly anymore as they live over 1,600 miles away.  When we do have the opportunity to spend time with them, we cherish it greatly.  It is amazing just how much you miss being able to hug your parents!

• Chatting with my best friend. I am very blessed to be able to talk to my best friend almost daily on the telephone for extended periods of time (thank you, unlimited long distance!!).  We are able to talk about all aspects of our lives and find support in each other for the struggles we are facing.  Even when we don’t have any “news” to discuss or issue that needs debate, just hearing her voice brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

• Praying as a family. We say grace before meals.  We all say a bedtime prayer together as part of our nightly bedtime routine for the boys.  The feeling that I get listening to them recite the prayers is indescribable.  It feels as if the Holy Spirit is filling me up to over-flowing.
  

• Watching the children get excited about something. I wish that I could capture their joy and amazement when they discover something new or are enthralled with something!  But I have found that I enjoy life more fully when I am experiencing it first hand, instead of through a lens (which is what I used to do).  There are many times that I wish I had my camera in hand in order to capture those moments to be relived many times over, but alas, it just isn’t the case much anymore.

• Falling asleep next to DH. The warmth and security of DH laying beside me at night isn’t so much physical as emotional.  Knowing that he will always be by my side is comforting.  When we are apart, I have a hard time falling asleep.

• Hearing “I love you.” Sometimes we hear this phrase so often that it seems trite, but isn’t that what life is really all about – loving and being loved? I know that I am touched every time that someone tells me that they love me – even if it is off-handed.  Just because the phrase can be said by anyone doesn’t mean that they don’t care about us.  And, well, I enjoy being loved!  It makes me feel, well, loved!
  

I am going to make a more concerted effort to enjoy the little things and bask in their pleasure!

What are the little things in your life?

Please check out Amy’s Finer Things Friday for more little/big things.